Enabling within the family system
***Trigger warning- this post may be harmful to some.***
More often than not, Addiction floods into the family system. When one or more family members are struggling with addiction, it can change the dynamics of the family and the roles of those in it.
There may be one parent who is in active addiction, while the other parent or another member of the home plays the role of " The Enabler". The enabler often makes excuses for the addictive family member and tries to cover up for them by hiding the problems the addictive family member is having, and protecting them from the consequences their addiction causes.
This can be seen when the enabler makes excuses for why the addictive family member can't make it to work or pay bills, they may call into the addictive family member's employer or school stating they are unwell and can't come in, they may hide and deny abuse in the home and property damage, or they may pretend the addiction doesn't exist at all.
Kids in the home may be told to lie to people outside of the family about what happens, and they may take on roles that create further dysfunction for them that often lasts into adulthood and causes generational cycles of trauma and addiction issues.
The longer the family stays in this cycle of denial, the further the addictive family member snowballs into their addiction, and the more problems it causes for everyone in the family. Because the addictive individual isn't confronted, or the enabler doesn't set boundaries, nothing changes and the family deteriorates.
Children have a higher risk of developing trauma, mental health, and addiction issues, and their chances of building healthy relationships with others as adults will be fragmented due to the modelling they see in the home. Children in this environment will also be at high risk of having emotional dysregulation and other behavioural issues due to the unhealthy environment around them. Children may have to take on the role of the addictive parent or family member to help the family function, and sometimes child services and other outside agencies may become involved.
It's hard to be firm with those we love and care for sometimes, but it's harder to undo a lot of things once they are done. By setting boundaries and learning how to help someone you love who is struggling with an addiction, you can ensure you are maintaining the health and safety of yourself and the family, and the person you love.
If you are finding you are struggling to have boundaries and may be enabling a loved one, please reach out to a professional. Families can and do recover.
